Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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