Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
