my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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