If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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