I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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