I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
