I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
