I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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