i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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