I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
