Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
