so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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