ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He did a backflip because drugs
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