My room smells like vodka and shame
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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