you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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