i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
