The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
did i walk over a car last night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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