Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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