I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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