Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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