1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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