I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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