It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize