Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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