Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
