Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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