mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
