I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
