i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
