I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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