I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
