So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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