Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
