Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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