everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
