Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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