Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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