She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
