Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
