Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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