I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize