Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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