Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
