You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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