I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
