Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
