Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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