new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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