What did we do last night that was yellow?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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