I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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