he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Please don't give away my fajitas
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