you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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