grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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