would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sober January is a disaster.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
