all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
