you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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