youre lurking in front of me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
