The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize
