but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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