Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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