you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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