My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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