??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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