she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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