oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
