you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
