never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
