She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
