): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
